Dear ********,
I f you’re reading this, it means I
actually worked up the courage to send you, so good for me. I’m writing you a
letter. That’s right a good old fashioned letter. It’s a lost art like 50’s movies. You smell nice,
most of the time, like home, but you don’t seem to have much interest in me.
Which I of course find vaguely insulting. It is just you against the world.
Funny how things never change.
It was an accident, I wasn’t looking
for it, I wasn’t on the make. It was a perfect storm. You said the one thing
and I the other. Next thing I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life in
that conversation. That’s the good news. You’re completely nuts in a way that
makes me smile. Highly neurotic, a great deal of maintenance required.
I cruised along, doing my thing,
acting like a fool, not understanding how being in love changes you. And I
don’t remember the exact moment everything changed. I just know that it did.
One moment I was impenetrable, nothing could touch me. The next, my heart was
somehow beating the shit out of my chest, exposed to the elements.
Loving you has been the most profound,
intense, painful experience of my life. In fact, it’s been almost too much to
bear. As your lover, I made a silent vow to protect you from the world, never
realizing I was the one who would end up hurting you the most. When I flash forward, my heart breaks, mostly
because I can’t imagine you speaking of me with any sort of pride, how could
you?
I’m a child in a man’s body who cares for noting and everything at the
same time. Noble in thought, weak in action. Something has to change. Something
has to give.
The bad news is that I don’t know how
to be with you right now. We’ll get lost out there, it’s a big bad world full
of twists and turns and people have a way of blinking and missing the
moment. A moment that could have changed
everything. This scares the shit out of me. I don’t know what’s going on with
us and I can’t tell you why you should waste a leap of faith on the likes of
me. That’s got to count something, right? Call me.
Unfaithfully Yours.
******
” face. I wish i could tell. I know, I’m always sorry because always I
go to the yelling place. I only have myself to blame. There are many
steroids running through my body right now and I’m afraid of being
turned into the Incredible Hulk. Sometimes I’m not able to figure out
how difficult it is to be me, because It’s exhausting being me. I’m
here, because I care about my impossible dreams. I know it. I feel it. I
always support it unconditionally. I don’t have a back up plan, and I
don’t want to waste my ingenue eligibility. I need a break, want to
spend some time with my family.
